SMOME IDOITS SAY THAT A BOSSS SHOODNT USE PROFANNITY
I SAY TAHT BULLSHIRT
THERE NOTHIG MOVITATE A EPLOYEE BETTER TAHN A GOOD LOUD CUSSSSSSIG
BUT YOO HAVE TO BEE CAREFUL BECAUASE THERE SO MANY BLEEDIG HARTS WHO ARE READDY TO CALL IN THE FEDDS
AS THE WROLDS GRATEST MAGANER I HAVVE TO MAKKE HRAD DESSISOINS ALL THE TIME
OF COORS I DONNT KNOW ERRVYTHING
I CANT BELLEEVE I JSUT SAID THAT
ANYHOW I RECENTALLY MADE A PORCOLMATOIN THAT ANY COPPUTRER TEKNOLLOGY WE USE HERE WILL BE MISCRORSOFT AND NUTTHING ELSE
IM NOT EXACCTLY SURE WAHT TAHT MEAN BUT OUR IT GEENUS SGUGGESTED IT
TAHT MEEN WE WILL DO IT
READER BILL HAAK WRITE AND ASK JIM HAY JIM SHOOD A BOSSS BE ALLOWED TYO MAKE MAJOOR TEKNOLLEGY DSCISCOINS
THE RASEON I ASK IS BEKAUSE WERE I WROK A DESCSISION HAS BEEN MADE TO OLNY GO WITH ONE PALTFROM SO ALL UNIXX AND LUNIX SREVERS ARE BEIG PHASSED OUT AND WEERE SWITCHIG EXCLOOSAVELY TO MSCICROSOFT
I THNIK TIHS IS A BAD DSCESICION NOW ALL OUR EGGGS ARE IN ONE BAKSKET WAHT DO YOUU THNIK JIM
WELL BULL HAAK HEER WAHT I THNIK
I THIINK I HVAVE NO IDDEA WAHT YOU JSUT SAID
Continue reading "ASKS JIM WHOO MAKE THE TEKKNOLOGY DESCICIONS" »
THERE MORE TO BEIG SUCKSESSFUL IN BIZNESS THAN JSUT WROKIG HRAD YOU ASLO HAVE TO MRAKET YORE COPANY
ONCE UPPON A TOIME WE SPENT BIG BUCKS TO AVDERTISE IN NOOZPAYPERS THE RADDIO AND TLEVISOIN
NOT ANNY MORE
NOW I PAY A GUY IN CHINA TO SNED OUT EMAUILS
THE OLIMPIKKS ARE ON
YOU CAN USE THIS TO GET YUOR EPOLYEES TO BARE DWON AND WROK HARDER
FROR EXAPPLE REMNID THEM WAHE USED TO HPAPPEN TO OLLIMPIC ALTHETES BACK IN ANCIEMNT ROME
THE LOOZERS WUOLD GET FED TO THE LOINS
Continue reading "USE THE OLLLYMPICS TO MOVITATE YOURE EPLOLYEES" »
Yesterday?
Submitted by JIMFan on January 27, 2010 - 5:41 A.M.
Yesterday,
JIM THE BOSS, he seemed so far away,
Now I'm glad to say he's here to stay,
Anonymati, go away.
I, don't, know why you must moan,
You aren't forced,
To read all the posts that are below
The main sto-ry!
Now I must go back and do work
It is so hard
But I sit and dream all day
Of being a bard!
I DNOT LET ANNYONE AT WROK-PALCE USE THE ITTERNET OF CROUSE THAY HAVE WROK TO DO STAKKIG BOXXES SWEEPIG FLORES AND BRINGGIG ME COFFEY
BUT SINCE IM THE BOSS I AM ALLLOWED TO USE IT IT HLPE ME TO BE A MORE EFFFECTIVE MAGANER
FROR EXAPPLE I DNOT HAVVE TO GO TO THE STRORE OR THE DOKTOR ANY MORE
ALLL I HAVE TGO DO IS REED MY EMAUIL AND ERVYTHIG I NEED IS RIHGT THERE ALL I HVAVE TO DO IS USE THE COPANY CRUDIT CRAD TO GET WAHTEVVER I WNAT
JIM THE BSOSS UDDERSTAND THAT MSOT OF YOU OUT THRERE ARE NOT SMRAT ENUFF TO THNIK LIKE ABOSS
TAHT NOT YORE FAULT LESTS FACE IT THE ARVERAGE BOSS IS A STINKIG GENUIS AND THE REST OF YUO ARE TOOO DMUB TO SEE THE BIG PRICTURE
SO LISSEN UP ERVYBDODY AND TRY TO LEARN SMOETHIG
THE MSOT IMPOTANT THNIG ABUOT MAKIG DECCISOINS IS TO MAKE ONE AND STINCK WITH IT NO MATTTER WAHT
FROR EXAPPLE ATV WROK-PALCE JIM THE BOSS HAS DECIDDED TAHT WE ARE A MICORSFOFT SHOP AND TAHT THE WAY IT IS DNOT EVEN TRY TO CHAGNE MY MIND ULNESS YOU WNAT TYO GET FRIRED
Time to update the THE OFFISHUL JIM THE BOSSS DIKSHUNARY:
Steve Ballmer = Steve Blammer
"THERE IS NO I IN TIEAM"
Secrets = secretes
Mainframe = manfarme
Expensive - expansive
Warehouse = wharehouse
Stop = stoop
Differentiate = dfireferianferieate
Laptop = lamptop
Stove = Steve
Shirt = shrit
Group = grope
Cold = clod
Trickle down effect = tinckle dwon effect
Song = snog
Spoke = spooke
Jeopardy = jepperday
Typographical error = typyorogarpichal errer
BlackBerry = Raspberry
Fluent = flatulent
Supervisors = suvpervipers
Pot bellied stove = pot bellied Steve
Practical = partical
Marriage = mirage
Wheelchairs = whalechares
Signal = singal
Door = odor
A blathering idiot = ab lathering idiot
Harriet = Harliot
Memorial = mammorial
Waterboarding = waterbroading
Website = wesbite
Browser = bowser
Encrypt = encryapt
Conversations = conservations
Understand = undresstand
Big shot = bag shot
Minicomputer = minticopumter
Golly = gully
DHCP = DHPCP
Insubordination = instabroadnation
Caps lock = craps lock
Stuck = struck
Saudi Arabia = Soddy Arbababia
Understanding = udderstaddig
Hoarse = horse
Hot toddy = hot teddy
Smell = spell
Aluminum = allullulululiminnium
Holy = holly
Betty = Batty
Staff = staph
Whole = hole
Smallest = smellest
Ample = apple
Debby Boone = Debby Bone
Serious = Sirius
Voice = vice
Air = hair
Geek = Greek
Edgar Rice Burroughs = Elgar Rice Borrows
Board = broad
Waldorf Astoria = Waldrof Hystoria
Fridge = fiordge
Vista = visa
Spellchecker = sxplellvcheeker
Switched = swatched
Password = pisswrod
Facebook = Facebroke
Win-win = win-wine
Win-win = wine-wind
Boys = buoys
Girls = grils
Checkup = chuckup
Bulletin board = builltin broad
Okay = oaky
Whether = weather
Rattlesnake = rastklesnake
Realistic = railistick
White House = whitehourse
Bill Clinton = Bile Cilnton
Bulb = blub
Wikipedia = Winkipedia
Concealed = congealed
Invisible = indivisible
Beach ball = biatch balll
Boss = boos
Lovers = louvers
Vacation = vacraption
Power = pooer
Shut = shat
Stop = stoop
Expect = expectrate
Spanish = sapnish
Exchange = sexcahnge
Flash forward = falsh forward
Roll = rowl
Lotus = lostus
Perfect = prefect
Richard Milhous Nixon = Dichard Mulehuose Nexxon
Enemy = enema
Bing = Bung
Google = Gaggle
Stole = stoole
Bambi = Babmbi
LSD = DSL
Important = impotant
Canned = caned
Porn = pron
YouTube = youtub
ALBERTA EISENSTIEN = Albert Einstein
RAEDER BOB ASK JIM HAY JIM MY JOOB STINKS IM THNIKIG ABUOT LOOKIG FROR ABETTER ONE DO YOO HAVE ANY ADDVICE
WELL BOOB IF I WERE YOU I WOOD SHAAVE AND GIT A HAIRCUT IF YOU DNOT LIKE YORE JOB YOUR PROBABBABLY ONE OF THOS HIPPY TORUBLEMAKKERS TAKE A BATHE TOO
NOW DURESS UP IN A NICE SOOT AND HIT THE STRETEETS
WOW I FROGOT ALL ABUOT TIHS BOLG
IVE BEEEN SO BIZZY FRIRIG PEEPEL ANDF DWONZIZIG TAHT I TOTALLUY FROGOT TAHT BILLOINS OF POOEPLE ON THE ITNERNET HAVE NOT BEEN ERADUCATED BECAUSE OF MY BAD MAMMARY
MABBYE I SHOOD FRIRE MYSLEF
HAHHAHHAJHJHAHAH
WELL HERE TODASYS HGINT FROR BEIG A BATTER MAGANER
IM NOT HEER TO COPLAIN ABUOT EPLOYEES WHO ARE IDIOOTS MORNOS OR AMBESILES IM HERE TO TELL YOU THE SMRAT BOSS HOW TO USE THIM TO YOUR AVDANTAGE
LEST STRAT WITH THE IDOIT HES SO SPTUPID THAT HE HAS TO BE REMAINEDED TO BREETHE THE IDOOIT IS A PREFECT MATCH FROR JOBS THAT ARE JSUT DOIG THE SAM THNIG OVER AND OVER AGAIN FROR EXAPLE STACKIG BOXXES
THE MRONON IS A LITTLE SMRATER THAT THE IDOOT HE BRAETHE ALL BY HIMSLEF YOU CAN TAIRN A MOROON TO RUN A COPUTRER I WUOLD RECOMMMEND AUTTOCAD
HOLEY CARP I HVAVE BEEN POSTIG STRUFF FROR A MONTHE ERVRY DAY AND IT TRUNS OUT INSTAED OF USIG THE WEBSITTE SOFTRWARE I WAS USIG A TREMINAL WINDOW
TAHGT MEAN THAT A MONTHS WROTH OF BRAILAINCE IS DWON THE DARIN
OH WELL JIM THE BSOSS IS SMRAT ENOGH TAT HE CAN ALWAYS CMOME UP WITH GENUIS REMRAKS
TODAY HE WIRTE ABUOT THE WROLDS EASIEST WAY TO GET RICH
PALY ON THE PGA TUOR
I CNOSIDER SETVE BLAMMER TO BE THE SNIGLE SMRATEST MAN IN THE WROLD
ABLERT EISENSTIEN COULD HAVE LAERNED FROM THIS MANN
BLAMMER GAVVE A SPEECH TIHS WEEK AND HERE WAHT HE ASAID
"Apple gained about one point [in global market share], but now I think the tide has really turned back the other direction. The economy is helpful. Paying an extra $500 for a computer in this environment -- same piece of hardware -- paying $500 more to get a logo on it? I think that's a more challenging proposition for the average person than it used to be."
YOU TELL EM SVETE OLNY AN IDOOIT WUOLD PAY TOO MUCH MNONEY FROR A COPUTRER ESPECAILLY ONE WITH APPLES ON IT
DOWNZSING IS A FACT OF LIFE ERVYBODY IN BUSINESS DOES IT
BUT SOMETIMES EPLOYEES DNOT RAECT VERY WELL TO BEING LAUID OFF
I DNOT UNDRESTAND HOW SELFISH THESE IDOITS CXAN BE
BUT STILL A GOOD BOSS HAS AMPATHY FROR HIS SUBRODINATES AND TRIES TO HLPE THEM COPE
SO THE NXET TIME YOU GVIVE SMOMBODY THE AX I HVAVE TWO WRODS FOR YOU
SLCUMDOG MILLAOINAIRE
Continue reading "HLEPIG YOUR EMPOLYEESW DAEL WITH DOWNSZING" »
FORM SHRAK TANK:
Good work, Jim. To recognize you I want to share the list of "Jim-isms" that I have been maintaining:
work = wrok
place = palce
workplace = wrok palce
program = pogram
monotonous = monogamous
third degree = thurd degree
A BOSS HAS MANNY CHALLANGES ONE OF THEM IS KEEPING YOUR EPOLYEES INTRESTED IN IMPORVIG THEMSLEVES
SOMETIMES IF SMOMENONE WROK FOR YOU FOR MANY YAERS HE CAMN GET COPLMACENT
TIHS CAN HAPPEN IF HE FEEL LIKE HE BEEN THEER SO LONG THAT HE WILL AWLAYS HAVE A JOB AND CANT BE FRIED
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH THAT FUNNY AT WROK-PALCE ANYBDODY CAN BE FIRRED AND THEY ALL KNOW IT
BUT WAHT IF THINGS ARENT LIKE TAHT WHERE YOU ARE THE BOISS
WELL IT TIME TO GO HRIRE A FEW EXCAPED CNOVICTS
Continue reading "KEEPIG YOUR EMPOLOYEES INTERESTEED IN IMPORVING" »
A SCUSSESSFUKL MAGANER SHUIOLD ALWAYS LOOK TO THE EXAPLES OF GREATE LAEDERS
I HVAVE SPOOKEN HERE ABOUT SOME TURLY GRATE LEADERS ICNLUDIG STEVE BLAMMER HANGK STAINBRENNER AND TONNY SORPANO
TODAY WE ADD ANTOTHER NAME TO THAT LITST OF IMMORALS DULLAS CWOBOY OWNER JERRKY JONES
LET ME SAY UP FORNT THAT I DNOT KONW TOO MUCH ABUOT COWBOYYS THE OLNY CWOBOY MOOVIE I EVER SEEN WAS BORKEBACK MOUNTIN
BUT I KNOW A GARTE LADER WHEN I SEE HEIM
Continue reading "GERAT LAEDERS WE CAN EMSULATE JERRY JNOES" »
OKAY ERVYONE IT TIME TO GET TO WROK
YAEH I KNOW MANY OF YOU HVAVE LOST YOUR JBOBS
WELL THRERE OLNY ONE THING TO DO
KISS UP TO JMIM THE BOOS AND SEE IF HE WILL PUT YOU TO WROK
OF CUORSE THERE OLNY ONE JIM THE BIOSS
BUT ILL BET YOUR TWON HAVE ITS OWN VRESOIN OF A GENUIS MAGANER WHO RUN A VRERY SUCKSESSFUILL COPANY
SO DONT JUST SIT ON YUOR UNEPLOMYED REAR END
GO SHEOVEL SOPME SNOW OFF HIS DUIRVEWAY
A GREATE MAGANER PUT COPMLEX CONCEPTS INTO SMIMPLE TREMS THAT HIS LESS INTTELIGENT UNDRERELINGS CAN UDDNERSTAND
FROR EXAPLE WROK-PALCE IS LIKE THE DALLAS CWOWBOYS
AND JIM THE BOSS LIKE JERRKY JONES THE BRAILLAINT OWNER OF THE TAEM
I HVAVE GONE TO A LOT OF EXPANSE TO SURRUOND MYSLEF WITH POEPLE WHO AGREE THAT I AM THE BOSS
AND MY EPLOYEES ALL KNOW THAT THEY BETTER AGRRE WITH ME BECUASE I WUOLD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN WHYRER I AM WIHOUT BEIG A GUNIUS
AS REGALURAR RADERS OF JIM IS SBOSS KNOW THE MOST BRAILIANT MAN IN THE WROLD IS THE GRATE STEVE BLAMMER
BUT JIM HAS A NEW HERO NOW
HIS NAME IS HACK STEINBRAINER
WHAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF HANCK STIONEBRENNER
WELL HE THE INCARDABLE GENUIS WHO HAS SPENT AMLOST A HALF A BLILLOIN DOLLARS ON THE NEW YROK YANKEES IN THE LAST CUPOOLE OF MONTHS
ALL OF THE GEKKY WEB SITES ARE SAYIG DNOT BOTYHER WITH VITSA JSUT WAIT FROR WIDNOWS 7
IN FCAT EVEN THE GEREATEST EXECRATIVE ON THE WROLD STEVE BLAMMER SAY BIZNESSES SHUOPLD WAIT FROR WINDOWS 77
I DNOT GET IT SETVE WHY WUOLD YOU TELL PEEPLE TO WAIT
I USED TO RUIN WIDNOWS XP AND IT WAS A PROBLEM THAT FROR SURE
MY EMAUIL WOULD ALL THE TIME QUIT CONNEXCTIG AND I CUOLDNT COPY OR PISTE
I WUOLD CALL THE HELPDESK AND YELL AT THEM HOW A BIG SUCKSEFLU BOSS LIKE ME SPOUPPOSED TO RUN A COPMNY WHEN MY COPUTRER IS SKREWED UP
HJEY ALL YOU IN NEED OF MOVITATION JIM THE BOSS HERE APLOGFIZING FROR NO NEW COLUMMS IN A WHILE
THE PORBLEM IS NOT WITH ME MY HEAD IS FOUL OF BIG IDAES THAT ARE SMPIPLY BRIALLAINT NO THE PORBELM IS WITH EDNERLAND TGHE IDOIT WHO RUN THIS BOLG
YOU SEE HE HL;EPS ME WITH THE TECKNICKAL STUFF I DNOT HAVE TIME FROR THAT SATUPIDITY IM THE BOSS
BUT HE BEEN SO BUSY WITH HIS NEW SITE ZUPTODAY.COM THAT HE JUST FROGET ABUPOT ME
EVRY BOSS NEED A FEW GAGDETS TO HLEP HIM DAEL WITH ALL THE IDOITS THAT RUN AROUND THE WROKPLACE
AFTRER ALL YOU CANT FRIRE EVERYBDOY
AND LEST FACE IT SMOME OF THE MORRONS ARE OVRER YOU
SO YEKLLIG AND KICKIG ARE NOT OPTOINS
THAT WGHERE A BOSS BNEED SOME EXECRRATIVE TOYS TO HLEP HIM COPE AND KEEP HIS SHRAP FOCUS
WOW EVERYBDOY IS GOIG GEREN THESE DAYS
WAHT OIS THIS CARP ANYWAY
WROK-PALCE HAS ALWAYS BEEEN GREEN AS FRA AS I CAN TELL
GREEN MEAN SAVIG MONEY RIGHT AND NOT USIG TO MUCH EGNERNGY
WEL THAT ALWAYS BEEN MY POLICTY
THERE IS TYHIS LOUD MOUTH TORUBLEMAKER ON OUR IT DEPTARTMENT WHO KEEP TLAKIG ABOUT HOW GERAT OPEN SRORES SOTFWARE IS
MY GENYOUS POGRAMMER HAS SGHOWN ME THAT BWE WILL SHAVE MONEY BY OLNY BUYIG MICORSFOT STUFF
BUT THEIS SMRATALEKC DVELOPER KEEP BRINIG UP HOW MUCH MONEY HE IS SAVIG WROK-PALCE BY USIG OPEN SROUCE STUFF
WHAT IS A BOSS TO DO
