EVRY BOSS NEED A FEW GAGDETS TO HLEP HIM DAEL WITH ALL THE IDOITS THAT RUN AROUND THE WROKPLACE
AFTRER ALL YOU CANT FRIRE EVERYBDOY
AND LEST FACE IT SMOME OF THE MORRONS ARE OVRER YOU
SO YEKLLIG AND KICKIG ARE NOT OPTOINS
THAT WGHERE A BOSS BNEED SOME EXECRRATIVE TOYS TO HLEP HIM COPE AND KEEP HIS SHRAP FOCUS
WOW EVERYBDOY IS GOIG GEREN THESE DAYS
WAHT OIS THIS CARP ANYWAY
WROK-PALCE HAS ALWAYS BEEEN GREEN AS FRA AS I CAN TELL
GREEN MEAN SAVIG MONEY RIGHT AND NOT USIG TO MUCH EGNERNGY
WEL THAT ALWAYS BEEN MY POLICTY
THERE IS TYHIS LOUD MOUTH TORUBLEMAKER ON OUR IT DEPTARTMENT WHO KEEP TLAKIG ABOUT HOW GERAT OPEN SRORES SOTFWARE IS
MY GENYOUS POGRAMMER HAS SGHOWN ME THAT BWE WILL SHAVE MONEY BY OLNY BUYIG MICORSFOT STUFF
BUT THEIS SMRATALEKC DVELOPER KEEP BRINIG UP HOW MUCH MONEY HE IS SAVIG WROK-PALCE BY USIG OPEN SROUCE STUFF
WHAT IS A BOSS TO DO
ALL GERAT BOSSES HAVE ONETHIG IN COMMON
THEY ALL LOOK BUSSY EVNEEN IF THERE NOT HAHAHHAHAHAH
BUT SEROUSLY IT IPORTANT FROR A BOSS TO LOOK BUSTY AT ALL TIMES
AFTRER ALL YOU DNOT WANT YOUR MAGANER TO THINCK THAT YOU DNOT HAVE ENOUGH WROK TO DO
AND IT IPORTRTANT FOR REGLULAR EPLOYEES TOO
HOW ARE YOU GOIG TO GET PERMOTED IF YOUR BSOSS DOESNT THINK YOUR WROKING ALL THE TIME
A READER WHO HAS A VERY SATRNGE NAME HAS A QEUSTOUIN FROR JIM
ORAGNEDUCK ASK HEY JIM I RESEPCT YOUR INTLEIGNECE SO I WNAT TO KONW WHAT SHUOLD I DO TO WAETEHER OUT THE STOOK MRAKET CARSH
HERE MY ADVICE ORAGNEDUCK
STOP EATIG FOR A WHILE
MY GEUSS IS YOU CAL,L YUORSLEF ORANEDUCK BECASUE YOU LIKE EATIG LOTS OF DUCK ALA ORAANGE
EITHRER THAT OR MAYBE YOU ARE BIG HIARY AND ORAGNE LIKE THOSE MPONKEYS
Continue reading "ASK JIM WHAT DO I DO WHEN THE SOTOCK MRAKET CRASHES" »
SOMETIMERS EVEN THE BOS HAS TO TAKE SMOME TOIME AWAY FROM WORK
IT CANT BE TOO MUCH TIME BACUASE THE PLACE WILL FALL APRART IF THE BOSS ANIT THERE
BUT EVEN SO A WQEEK OFF HERE AND THERE WIL,L CLAER YOUR SNIUISES AND GIVE YOU A NEW PRESPECTIVE ON LIFE
BUT THE REALLY BAD PART ABOUYT THAKIG A WEEK OFF IS HAVIG TO PICK UP THE PEECES AT WROK-PALCE
SO TO KEEP MY SAITNTY I LIKE TO PLAY A LITTLE GMAME CALLED JEPHTHA
Continue reading "GOIG BACK TPO WROK AFTER TAKIG TIME OFF" »
SMOMEBDODY AT WROK TOLD ME THAT THE OLYMPIACS ARE ON IN FCAT THEY EVEN HAVE THERE OWN WEBSITE
BUT WHEN I WENT THERE AND TIRED TO WATCH A MOOVIE IT SAID I NEEDED SMOMETHIG CALLED MICORSOFT SLIVERLIGHT
SO I PUSH THE BUTTON TO ISNTALL IT AND IT SAY IT WONT WROK ON WIDNOWS UBUNTU
WHAT IS THIS SILLYVERLIGHT AND WHY WNOT IT WROK ON MY COPUTRER
SO IA ASK MY FIEND THE SMRATEST MAN IN THE WROLD SETVE BLAMMER
HERE WHAT HE HVAVE TO SAY
RAEDER ROBERT ASK JIM HEY JMIM I BNED OVRERE BACKWRADS TO PLEASE MY BOSS I AGREE WUITH EVRYTHING HE SAY EVEN THE SATUPID STUFF AND I GVIVE HIM THE GOODS ON WHAT POPEL ARE SAYIG IN THE BARAKROOM YET HE STILL TRAET ME WITH CONTMPT WHAT AM I DOIG WORNG
WOW RUPERT I THINCK YOU SHUOLD QUIT AND GO TO WROK FROR ME I CUOLD ALWAYS USE A BUTTE KISSER LIKE YOU AHAHAHAAHAH
BUT BACK TO YOUR QEUSTION WHAT YOU HVAVE TO RAELIZE IS YOUR BOSS DOESNT DISLIKE YOU.
HE HATE YOU
READERR RUPPERT ASK JIM MY KDI IS STRATIG HIGH SKOOL WHAT IS A GOOD CAREER FROR HIM TO THINCK ABUOT
THAT QEUSTOIN NOT AS SATUPID AS IT SOUND ROGER SO JIM GOIG TO ANSSER IT FROR YOU
TELL YOUR KID WE NEED MORE WRAREHUOSE WROKERS AT WROK-PALCE
SO HE NEED TO GO TO SKOOL UNTIL THE STATE TELL HIM HE CAN STOP THEN HE NEED TO QUIT
THEN COME DWOMN TO WROK-PALCES HIRIG CENTRER AND PUT IN HIS APPILCATION
Continue reading "ASK JIM WHAGT IS A GOOD CAREER FOR MY KDID" »
POOR GOGGLE
THEY ARE SO DESPRATERE BECUASE THE SMRATEST MAN IN THE WROLD STEVE BLAMMER HAS DECARLED WAR ON THEM
IN CASE YOU MISSSED IT HERE WAHT MR BLAMMER HAD TO SAY
At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office. Mr. Ballmer then said: "****ing Eric Schmidt is a ****ing *****. I'm going to ****ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to ****ing kill Google." ....
WELL THAT MSUT HAVE SCRARERED GOOGLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE GNONE AND DOME SMOMETHIG SATUPID
THEY HVAVE RELASED A NEW BROOWSER THAT IS SUPPODSED TO COMPETE WITH WIDNOWS
Continue reading "WHAT UP WITH GOOGLE AND THEIR NEW BOWSER" »
A RAERDER WHO ASK TO RAMEAIN AMONINMOUNOUSMYS BUT WHO IS CALL TJ20008 ASK JIM HWOW CAN I GET MRORE FREE TIME I WUOKLD LIKE TO WRITTE A BOLG LIKE YOU BUT IM TOO BIZZY WROKIG 600 HUORS A WEEK WHAT DO I DO
THANKS FROR THAT QEUISTOIN I NOW HAVE THE ASNWER TO MY QEUSION I WHO IS THE BIGGEST LOOSER IN THE WROLD HAHAAAH
BUT I GEUSS YOUR SERIOUS OTHRERWISE YOU WUOLDNT HAVE AKSED JIM SO HERE GOES
WHAT DI YOU DO WEAHN YOUR NOT AT WROK I MEANE 60 HROURS ALLAOW FROR LOST OF FREE TIME AFTRER ALL THERE 1668 HOURS IN A WEEK SO WHAT YOU DO W8ITH THE OTHRER 108
MY GESUSS IS YOU WATES TOO MUCH TIME WATCHIG STAR TERK ON TLEVISION
Continue reading "ASK JIM WHAT CAN I DO TO KEEP WROK FROM EATIG UP MY LIFFE" »
IF YOU ARE A SUCKSESSFUL BIZNESS ENTREPRENEUR THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH POEPLE ALL OVRER THE WROLD
SOME OF THEASE JREKS DONT BHAVE THE COMMON CUOTRESY TO SPEAK AMRERICAN
BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOUR CLASS AND MATURATY AND REACH OUT TO SPEAK TO THEM ON THERE OWN TREMS
MANY LANGUAGES ARE EASY IF YOU JSUT SPOEAK AMERICAN SLOWLY AND LOUDLY THAT ALL IT TAKE TO GET THEMN TO UDNERSTAND YOU
BUT THE BRUITISH ARE A DIFFEREMNT MATTER ENTRUIRELY
AHHH TIME TO HIT THE RAOD
EVRTY NOW AND THEN WROK-PALCE WANT TO SEND ME AND SMOME OF THE OTHRER EXECRATIVES OUT OF TWON
THIS CAN BE SO WE CAN HAVE MMETINGS OR MAYBE SO WE CAN GET TRAINIG
THAT HOW JIM KLEARNED ALL ABUOIT KEPNEEP-TRGOO AND LAEN SIX SMIGMA
AND SOMOTEIMES A BOSS CAN FNIAGLE SOME TRAINIG THAT IS PARTICLURLY BENEFICAIL
IM TALKING ABOUT BUSINESS TRAINIG IN HAWAYII
READER BILL H ASK JIM HETY JIM WHAT IS BETER IN THE LONG RUIN KNOWLEDGE OR KISSIG UP TYO THE BOSS
WELL BILL JSUT THE FACT TAT YOU HAVE TO ASKS SUCH A QEUSTOIN TELL ME THAT THERE NOT5 MUCH DAGNER OF YOU TAKOIG MY JOB HAHAHAHA
BUT I GEUSS YOU WUOLDNT HAVE ASKED IF YOU DINDT WANT ANSWER SO HERE GOSE
IT IPORTANT TO BE GOOD AT BOTH UNLESS YOU ARE GFIFTEDE LIKE JIM THE BIOSS
FROR EXAPLE YOU MIGHT HAVE A BMA DEGREE BUT IF YUOR BOSS THINK YOUR SAUTIPD THAT THE END OF THE MATTER YOU ARE A IDOIT AS FAR AS HE IS CONCRENED
Continue reading "ASK JIM WHAT IS BETEER KNOWLEDGE OR SUCTOIN" »
WOW MICROSFT NEVER FAIL TO BLOW ME AWAY WITH THERE AMAZIUNG PRODUCTS
FROR INSTRANCE TAKE SHAREPOINT
SHAREPIONT IS A THING THAT REPALCES THE INTERNEWT
WHEN YOU OPEN UP YOUR WEB BOWSER AND YOU USED TO SEE GOOGLE NOW YOU SEE SHAREPIONT
MANY POPLE WANT TO KNBOW WHAT SO GREAT ABUOT SHAREPOINT ANYWAY JIM
WELL SHAEREPOIONT HAS GERATLY INCREASED MY PROCTIVISITY
Continue reading "INCAREASE YOUR PORDUCTIVTY WITH MICORSOFT SHAREPIONT" »
A SUCKSESSFUL MAGANER HAVE TO STAY ON TOP OF TECHONOLOBGICAL TREDNS
FROIR INSTNACE HE NEED TO KNOW WHAT TYPE OF COPUTRER POGRAMMERS HE HAS WROKIG FROR HIM
TAKE UNIXS FROR EXAPLE
SMOME POPLE SAY THAT UINX IN THE WROKPALCE ARE NO LONGER NESCESARRY
OTHRES SAY THEY STILL FULFILL AN ESSPENTAIL PURPOSE
BUT WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT JIM THE BOSS THINKS
RAEDER BOB ASKS JIM:
JIM: you seem up on technology and business management. Why do businesses pour millions of dollars into Microsoft products like SQL Server, Office, Server 2003 and 2007, IIS, .Net, and, of course, Windows desktops when there are free open-source alternatives out there that are free for the taking? In most cases, FOSS alternatives require much less hardware to run that Microsoft's bloated code. Machines too slow to run Windows' latest and greatest are plenty fast enough to run open-source alternatives. What gives?
WOW BOOB I DNOT HAVE ANY IDAE WHAT YOUR TALKIG ABOUT ARE YOU TELLIG ME THAT IT POSSIBLE TO RUIN A BUSINES WITHUOT BUYING MICORSOFT STUFF
MAN WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN SMOOKIG
I HAVE BEEN A STUANCH FAN OF STEVE BLAMMER EVRER SINCE I DISCXROVERD HIM AND BELIEVE ME HE DONT LIKE MOROONS LIKE YOU MAKIUIG STATEMENTS LIKE TAHT
SETVE BALLMER EPISTOMIZES THE PREFECT CEO
FROR EXAPLE A WHILE BACK HE DECIDED THAT HE WANTED YAHOO
BUT YAHOO TLOD HIM TO SHOVE IT
NOW WHAT STEVE BLAMMER
NO PORBLEM BLAMER JUST WENT AND GOT SMOME MORE AMMUNITNION
HE FUOUND THEIS ACTIVIST INVETSOR NAMED CARL ICONN
BIY ARE YOU IN TORUIBLE NOW YAHJOO YOU WENT AND MADE STEVE BALLMER MAD
READER CHANG RABBINOWITZ ASK JIM HEY JIM WHATS UP WITH WIDNOWS VITSA HOW CUOLD MICORSOFT SELL SUCH A PEECE OF CARP TO THE PUBILC WHAT WRERE THEY THINCKING ANYWAY
WELL CHING THE FCAT IS THAT WITH GENUISS LIKE STEVE BLAMMER RUNNIG THE ORGYANIZATOIN YOU HAVE TO UDNERSTAND THAT SMOMETIMES MERE COMMON FLOKES LIKE YOU DONT HAVE THE BARINS TO SEE THE BIG PICTRURE
I THICK BLAMER IS GEARIG UP FROR HIS NEXT BIG RELASE
WIDNOWS UBUNTU INTREPID IBEX
I HATE TO SYAY IT BUT THERE ARE SOME CROOKEID POEPLE OUT THRER
THEY MAKE OHNEST BOSSES LIEKE JIM LOOK BADF
THAT WHY IT IMPOTANT TO CONDCUT BUSINESS ENTHNICALLY
THAT KEEP YOU FORM DOIG THINGS THAT MIGHT GET YOIU PUT IN JAIL
BUT YOU CAN STOILL DO FUIN THIGS LIKE FRIRIG POPLES
HEY EVREYBODY JIM THE BOSS BACKL AT LAST
I WENT TPO FLRORIDA WITH MY WIFES OF 255 YEARS
WE WENT TO THE BAECH THERE NOTHIG MORE BUEATIFUL THAN THE PACIFIC OCAEN
WE ASLO WENT TO THE SLAVADOR DALI MUSUEM IN SAINT PETERSBRUG
MAN LET ME TELL YOU THAT DALI WAS A LITLE BIT OUT THRERE
I MSUST COFESS I HAD NEVER HREAD OF SIR HILARITY CLINTON BFRORE THIS YEAR
SIR HILLARY WAS THE FRIST MAN TO CILMB MOUNT EVERETT BACK IN THE 50S
SO WHT HE UP TO NOW WELL LET ME TELL YOU
NOW HE RUNNIG FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNTITED STATES
AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE MORER I LEARN ABUOT HIME THE MORE IMPERSSED I AM
HERES ONE OF HIS QOUTES
"We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."
WOW NOW THAT SUOND LIKE A GUY WHO KONWS HOW TO DWONSIZE HERES ANOTHER ONE
SMOMWETIMES A BOSS IS GIVEN A TREU GIFT A GENIUS EPLOYEE
hOW CAN YOU RECOGNZIE GENUIS QUICKLY
WELL LET ME GVIVE YOU A EXAPLE
AT WROK-PALCE ONE OF OUR MAGANERS SPOTTED TLALENT IN A GUY WHO WAS APPLIYING FOR A STUPERINTEDENT JOB
THE MAGANER SAW SOMETHIG SO HE TOOK A CHANCE ON HIM
WITHIN SIX MOUNTHS THIS GFIFTED SUPTERINTENDENT HAD SHAVED THE COPANY SEVERAL THUOSANDS OF DOLLARS
THRERE HAVE BEEN A SAMALL HANDFULLOF TRULY GREAT LEADRERS THROUGHUOT HISTROY
ONE OF TTHEM WAS SIPIRO AGNEWD WHO WAS PERSIDENT OF VICE FOR ANOTHER GREAT LEADER RICHARD NIXION
AGNEW IS AN ORVERLOOKEDF GENUS
HE WAS A LOT LIKE HARRY TURMAN HE CALLED A SPADE A SPAD
HE USED SOME TERMS THAT WRE SO FAR AHAED OF THERE TIME THAT MANY COMON IDOITS DIDNT UDNERSTAND THEM
LETYS FACE IT SOMETMIMES YOU HAVE TO GIVE EPLOYEES BAD NEWS
MAYBE SLALES ARE DOWN
MABYE PORFITS ARE DWON
OR MAYBE THE COIPANY IS BIEG RUN BY IDOITS STRAIGHT DOWN THE TIOLET
UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO HRIRE A NEW CREW BECAUSE THE OLD ONE PANICED AND LEFT FORR OTHER JOBS YOU HAVE TO PUT SPNIN ON BADNEWS TO MAKE IT SUOND LIKE GOOD NEWS
I HAVER A BAD CHEST COLD RIGHT NOW DOES THAT MEAN IM AT HOME FLEELIG SORRY FROR MYSELF
HECK NO IM AT WROK SPRAEDIG MY GREMS ALL OVER MY COPETION
IT A DOG-EAT-CAT WROLD AT WROK-PALCE AND IF I STAYED HOEM JUST BECUASE I HAD A FEVER AND WAS CUOGHIG UP BLOOD IT WOULDNT TAKE LONG FOR MY RIVAL MAGANERS TO MOCVE PAST ME ON THE LADDRER
SO PAY ATTENTOIN TO JIM THE BOSS AND LEARAN HOW TO USE A BAD COLD TO YUOR ADVDANTAGE
